High School Survival Guide

"And now for something completely different"; namely, a post from Yours Truly that doesn't have to do with politics or wrestling! (1) 

Cue Joey Styles (2):

With the end of summer comes the renewal of a time-honored tradition; the resumption of classes at Fairfield Warde High School.  

The Warde campus can be a confusing place for newcomers. I know this first-hand, as I was a student there from 1997 to 2000 (at the time, the building was called Fairfield High School).  

As such, and for the benefit of the latest herd of Mustangs, I'd like to share a few tips from my experiences at the school. If you will, you may call this a "survival guide" of sorts.  

First, know the lay of the land, and where things are in the building.  

Trust me when I tell you that nobody likes it when someone shows up late for class, students included. You can avoid this "pain in the neck" scenario by knowing where key classrooms are, as well as the library and lecture hall.  

Also, seeing that the campus is quite large, allow yourself time to get from one side of it to the other.

Second, know what is and is not considered acceptable, clothing-wise. 

For example, wearing a shirt that depicts the usage of drugs or alcohol will meet with a stern reprimand (and likely, an order to "turn it inside out"). This also goes for product endorsements of the like, such as apparel which features the Budweiser logo.  

Third, be on time for class. 

As I previously mentioned, teachers hate it when you show up after the bell rings. If there was ever a good way to earn a trip to the house office and/or detention, this is it!

Next, don't wander around in the halls, even if you don't have a class at the present time. When I was a student, juniors and seniors could leave campus after their last class. I am uncertain whether this privilege is still granted. 

In any case, during the school day, you need to be somewhere and doing something at all times. Not doing so will get you asked "where are you supposed to be?", along with a decent tongue-lashing.

Fourth, know about the "five-minute rule". 

 

This is an unwritten rule that stipulates the following; in the event that a teacher is at least five minutes late for class, and there is no substitute teacher available, students in such class may take the period off.

 

Note that again, I refer to my own high school experience; this guideline may no longer apply.  

Now, some advice for incoming freshmen; watch your back, especially on Fridays!

Often, you'll run into people who do things like intentionally cause you to drop your books, or try to bully you in various ways. That's not to say that all students are like this; some of them can be very kind and helpful. 

Nevertheless, until you get your footing, you'll find that somebody always wants to start something. The trick is to stand up for yourself; that way, you'll find it less likely that others will mess with you.

As for Fridays, "if you know, you know"!  

Finally, enjoy this time to the fullest. 

They say that time waits for no one; indeed, all good things must someday come to an end. So it is with youth; before you know it, you'll be forty-something, and wondering where all that time went.  

Accordingly, take in the entire experience; the football games, the pep rallies, the homecoming dances, everything. Soon enough, it will be nothing but a memory.

And in a closing note, remember these words:

"And this above all, to thine own self be true" (3).

A Familiar Pattern (Or, "Method To The Madness")

For those that haven't kept up with recent sports events, allow me to explain the latest news out of Major League Baseball. 

On June 21, the Oakland Athletics officially announced their intent to move to Las Vegas, and begin play at a new stadium no sooner than 2025. If the club's application for relocation is approved, this will end a rich history of baseball in Oakland, one that dates back to at least 1968 (1).

Frankly speaking, this franchise relocation game has been played before. We saw it happen in 2004, as the Montreal Expos became the Washington Nationals. The original Cleveland Browns of the NFL high-tailed it to Baltimore in 1996. And in the NHL, the Hartford Whalers moved to North Carolina just a year after Art Modell left Cleveland without a pro football team (2, 3, 4). 

That being said, there seems to be somewhat of a method to the madness, so to speak. What we're seeing with the A's follows the same pattern as the other three cited cases. 

First, the franchise is totally gutted of star players and assets. The Expos, for example, traded players such as John Wetteland and Marquis Grissom for practically nothing in return. In Oakland's case, key talents like Starling Marte and Mike Fiers have been allowed to depart via free agency or trades. 

Second, the owner of the team talks negatively about the club, saying that it cannot operate under present circumstances. The narrative usually goes something like this: "a new stadium is necessary for us to be able to compete on a championship level". For the A's, the line delivered by owner John Fisher has been "future success...depends on a new ballpark" (5).   

The third step in the process is to reject all reasonable offers for a new stadium in the current market, and subsequently announce that negotiations have failed. 

In the case of the Whalers, owner Peter Karmanos was offered a brand new arena (to the tune of one hundred forty-seven point five million dollars) by the State of Connecticut. This proposal was turned down, with Karmanos demanding an additional forty-five million dollars "to cover losses". We have seen the same thing happen in Oakland; multiple different stadium options have been offered to the A's, ownership rejecting each one. 

Step four involves the formal announcement of the team's departure. The front office will profess to have done everything possible to remain in the current market; in reality, nothing is further from the truth. 

For Cleveland, this took the form of Art Modell ruling out any reconsideration of a move. Modell publicly stated that there was no way to keep the Browns from relocating;

"The bridge is down, burned, disappeared; there's not even a canoe there". 

Fifth, parties not involved in direct ownership of the franchise look for relief. They ask the sports league in question to block relocation efforts, but their pleas fall on deaf ears, as they did with the Expos. 

In the A's case, fans have been chanting "sell the team" for months on end. This chorus has moved beyond Oakland, and is now beginning to surface in other MLB cities. Yet to this point, the Fisher-Dave Kaval partnership that runs the team has maintained radio silence in response. 

Now we arrive at the endgame; the ninth inning; the final step in the relocation saga. All efforts to save the franchise having failed, the team opens its new (and frequently taxpayer funded) stadium to much fanfare and hoopla. 

The Nationals win the World Series; the Carolina Hurricanes win the Stanley Cup, and the Baltimore Ravens win the Super Bowl. Yet in the wake of success, communities are abandoned, dreams destroyed, and legacies made to be nothing but memories. This is the road that the Athletics are traveling. 

There are those that say the A's move to Vegas is inevitable, and simply should be accepted by Oakland's fans. These critics likely have never had to experience actually losing a major professional team. I have first-hand knowledge of the feelings involved; the end of the Whalers saddened me, as Peter Karmanos broke my heart. Try as I might, I can never forgive him for that.

And now, talk of relocation is spreading, as the Milwaukee Brewers are rumored to be exploring options for a move. There should be no doubt; if this can happen in Oakland and Milwaukee, it can happen in any other MLB market as well. 

Your team may be next; that's as good of a reason as any to say...

...SELL THE TEAM!!!