Just a few thoughts today, apparently at random.
Every now and then, I wake up in weird moods, which can range from anger to sadness. Indeed, it's not always easy to be me. Today, I find myself in one of my "blue moods", so to speak. I think some of this has to do with feelings of loneliness.
Without re-hashing the situation (I've written about it several times before), I'll offer this. The French have a phrase in that language that seems particularly relevant to me; it is "raison d'être", which means "reason for being" (think of it as the reason that one is alive). For me, a certain woman exemplifies (1) the meaning of that phrase. I believe that she is the main reason why I'm alive right now; if not for meeting her, I'm sure I would've gone "six feet under" a while ago.
Nevertheless, I have found that a relationship with this woman is impossible, as my feelings for her are not reciprocated (2). To quote the rock band Def Leppard, this seemingly is "a game I just can't win". Perhaps this is where a lot of my sadness comes from. It's hard to see others happily married, and not think about what could've been for me.
I'm thirty-eight years old, and have basically given up on ever finding "that certain someone"...because for me, she's already been found. I think James Doohan (Captain Montgomery "Scotty" Scott on "Star Trek") said it best; once you fall head over heels for someone, "you don't ever love (a woman) quite like that again".
And so it goes.
Definitions (from "Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary"):
1. Exemplifies: Verb, to be an instance of, or serve as an example.
2. Reciprocated: Verb, to return in kind or degree. "He gracefully reciprocated the positive comment"
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